


Maybe Bacroc-Obama Will Be Our Always

by CosmoKid



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alligators & Crocodiles, Alternate Universe - Human, Crack, Crocodiles Are Cute, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pre-Slash, So Are Derek And Stiles, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Possibly The Most Ridiculous Thing You'll Ever Read, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: “Is there any chance, at all, that you know where the nearest crocodile enclosure is?” attractive neighbor asks in a rushed voice with his eyes, which are a very beautiful pale emerald color now that Stiles can see them clearly, wide as bullet holes.Derek,his mind finally supplies, remembering when they met a few days ago when Derek first moved in. He can’t bask in that memory for long as he finally processes what Derek says, catching particularly on the wordcrocodile.He sighs, throwing his head back a little as the sigh becomes a groan. Goddamn it Steve, god fucking damn it.“My garden,” he tells Derek who just gapes at him as if he’s mad. He probably is.In which Stiles is a biochemist with four crocodiles in his garden, Derek is his confused and attractive neighbour with one misplaced crocodile in his garden, and the author regrets everything.





	Maybe Bacroc-Obama Will Be Our Always

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my wip folder for so long now and i might as well just fucking post it now. its ridiculous and stupid and well yeah sure
> 
>  
> 
> inspired by a tumblr post which clearly proves i should stop scrolling tumblr AND THEN writing at 3am  
> also apparently crocadella is a word?

Out of everything Stiles was expecting to wake up to today, it really wasn’t his ridiculously attractive new neighbor knocking on his door in a panic. It definitely does not help that his ridiculously attractive neighbor is shirtless and he’s wearing glasses. Stiles’ gay ass really can’t handle this at half seven in the morning.

“Is there any chance, at all, that you know where the nearest crocodile enclosure is?” attractive neighbor asks in a rushed voice with his eyes, which are a very beautiful pale emerald color now that Stiles can see them clearly, wide as bullet holes.

 _Derek,_ his mind finally supplies, remembering when they met a few days ago when Derek first moved in. He can’t bask in that memory for long as he finally processes what Derek says, catching particularly on the word _crocodile_.

He sighs, throwing his head back a little as the sigh becomes a groan. Goddamn it Steve, god fucking damn it.

“My garden,” he tells Derek who just gapes at him as if he’s mad. He probably is. “I’m studying them! I’m a chemist; I don’t just keep crocodiles in my garden,” he adds quickly, trying to look a little less insane to the guy he lives next door to who happens to be very attractive.

“You’re a chemist… and you’re studying crocodiles?” Derek says slowly, his eyebrows scrunching up on his forehead which is just so adorable, Stiles wants to scream. 

He should really say _scream more_ since he already wants to scream about the fact that his crocodile is in his neighbor’s garden. 

“Biochemist by accident,” he corrects and huffs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, wondering when his life became this way. “Long story short, I was testing an antibiotic on crocodiles, but accidentally discovered crocodiles change color based on environment and now I’m observing them and apparently a crocodile expert. I have five of them in my garden… well four now since Steve is in your garden.”

Derek stares at him and just blinks for a few seconds before asking in a hollow voice, “You named your crocodile Steve?”

Stiles nods, “Yeah, there’s Steve, Bacroc-Obama, Crocodocle, Crocadella and Alliegator.”

“Bracroc-Obama?”

“Bracroc-Obama.”

Derek’s eyebrows scrunch up even more. “Maybe Bacroc-Obama will be our always,” Derek says, sounding unsure of himself.

“Maybe,” Stiles repeats, trying not to laugh. This is a very surreal situation and he’s not quite sure what the correct social protocol is for it if there even is because really, this doesn’t seem like a typical situation. “So, is Steve causing any problems in your garden or he is just chilling? He tends to do that.”

“I-” Derek starts, but frowns and stops. He blinks a few times and his eyes narrow. “To be perfectly honest, I don’t know enough about the general behavior of crocodiles to comment on that.”

Stiles snorts and rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t fault you for that. I can come over and lead him back home if you want? And then I’ll go and look at the enclosure to try and figure out how he managed to get out. _And then_ , I’ll attempt to teach him to not to do that again.”

Derek nods and then frowns again. “Can you train a crocodile?”

“Well,” Stiles starts and scratches his head. His nose twitches and he wipes his mouth. “The jury's still out on that one, but if you can train a dog to salivate at the sound of a bell and train a rat to press a button to stop being electrocuted, you might just be able to train a crocodile to not break and enter because that’s illegal Steven!”

“Is it actually illegal for a crocodile to break into someone’s property?” Derek asks and the tone of his voice makes it sound like a genuine question. It adds to the surrealism of this conversation and is enough of a distraction so Stiles doesn’t find his eyes drifting to the many muscles Derek has.

“I imagine it’s not written in law, but I doubt you’d be able to win a court case if you were the owner,” Stiles says and it’s depressing how long it takes him to realize what his words might imply. “And on that note, I’m going to ask you to please not press any charges against me. I’m like an imposter biologist at best. I really did not expect to be taking care of crocodiles when I started my chemistry degree.”

Derek blinks. “I wasn’t going to? It’s not like… _Steve_ has done anything to harm me or my property. I’d just rather be able to go into my garden without a crocodile being in it.”

“That, yeah, that’s a good point,” Stiles says, stumbling over his words a little. “If this ever happens again, which hopefully it doesn’t, but if it does, just trap his upper jaw. He has no movement from his lower jaw, so most of his power is just that upper one. It sounds complicated and terrifying, but you can just like tie his jaw up and then he’s mostly useless.”

“I, thanks for the tip,” Derek says, sounding very unsure with himself which seems to be a theme in the conversation. He bites his lip and stares at Stiles for a few seconds before speaking in a rushed voice, “Any tips on how to take you out?”

Stiles stares at Derek, his jaw dropping. He blinks. “Are you, are you asking me out? Because I’d really like that and you’re really cute and not just when you’re shirtless which you are right now and you’re just really attractive and you seem really nice and kind and like, you’re not trying to have me arrested which really, you have all right to considering my crocodile broke into your garden. Yeah, you’re just really really cute and nice and just yeah. I’d really like to go out with you.”

Derek grins, chuckling a little and nods. “Yeah, I’d like to take you out. Just maybe after your crocodile is out of my garden.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I can't believe you got this far. 
> 
>  
> 
> come scroll eternally and regret everything with me on [tumblr](https://cosmo-k-i-d.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
